Chuck Norris saves a bakery

They tried once to make Chuck Norris toilet paper, But it wouldn't take shit from anyone.
Chuck Norris doen't do pushups, he pushes the earth down

The earth spins, cuz Chuck Norris runs in one spot....

That's a terrible joke ....... but funny none the less

Chuck Norris once delibrately gave himself AIDS, every form of cancer and sexually transmitted disease.

he then cured himself by 15 minutes of flexing and a flurry of roundhouse kicks!

Chuck Norris counted to infinity. Twice.

Chuck Norris can kill you with any item in a room, including the room itself.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.


Chuck Norris doesn't sleep, he waits.

Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting, he goes killing.

Chuck Norris will walk up to scumbags and say "two seconds 'till" by the time they say "two seconds 'till what" he roundhouse kicks them in the face

Chuck Norris can impregnate women with only a glance. He can also do this to men.

There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.

Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.

Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.

Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip.

Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

Chuck's Personal Favourites:

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris� beard. There is only another fist.

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn�t lifting himself up, he�s pushing the Earth down.

Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

Chuck Norris� hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.

Chuck Norris doesn�t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost

Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.

Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.

I love the Norris + croissant picture.

A friend of mine has a cardboard cut out of Rambo in his window and chances are it has the same affect!

I heard he just points a finger at them and says "booyah"!

I heard he just points a finger at them and says "booyah"!